Perhaps Love
by Fourth Rose
Summary: At some point, you have to stop running. Speculation!fic based on spoilers for the season 5 finale.


**Warning: This story contains spoilers for the season 5 finale!**

* * *

_And some say love is holding on  
And some say letting go__  
And some say love is everything  
And some say they don't know_

_(John Denver, Perhaps Love)_

* * *

"Don't go."

She blurts out the words the moment he opens the door; quickly, so she won't have time to reconsider. Her heart is in her throat (figuratively, of course – she'd be dead otherwise), and her instinct is to turn on her heel and run down the steps she just climbed, but she doesn't, because this is important.

There's a haunted look in his eyes that is obvious enough even for her to notice, yet his voice is steady. "You're the one leaving, Bones."

"I'm not." She brushes past him, forcing him to step aside to let her pass. He didn't invite her in, but they've been partners for far too long for her to be bothered by such considerations. "That's not the point, though. This will kill you, Booth, and I can't stand by and let it happen."

"What are you talking about?" In spite of the question, it's obvious that he knows exactly what she means. "I wouldn't be back in the line of fire myself, I'd just be training –"

"– young men about to go through the same experiences as you, experiences that will damage them for life, if they're lucky enough to survive them in the first place," she finishes for him. "You've put yourself back together once, Booth, and I know how much effort it cost you. Are you really going to throw that away for something you don't even believe in any more?"

Now his eyes are flashing with anger, but at least she knows that she got to him. "Don't you _dare_ tell me what I believe in!"

She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. This is going to hurt him, but there are things that can only be fixed with a scalpel, not with a band-aid. "There's a chance it _was_ Kennedy, you know."

She has to give him credit for not pretending to be thrown by the apparent non-sequitur. The muscles in his jaws clench for a moment, but he sounds surprisingly calm when he answers.

"I know."

Her astonishment must have shown on her face, because he smiles, even though there's little humor in it. "I'm not completely stupid, Bones."

"Booth, I never meant to imply – "

"I know you didn't." There's something in his eyes she can't interpret, something raw and almost painful in its intensity. "Look, I appreciate what you tried to do, but I don't need you to protect me from the ugly truth. I'm a grown man, Bones, I can deal with it."

"Fine." She takes a step closer, boldly invading his personal space. Just as she expected, he doesn't budge an inch. "Then deal with this, Booth: you won't be able to live with yourself if you do this. You're happy at your job, you feel that you're doing something worth doing, something that makes you proud of the person you've become instead of torturing yourself over the things you had to do. If you throw that away now –"

"Why do you even care?" His cool façade is beginning to crack; there's no mistaking the bitterness in his tone. "You'll be in Indonesia, it's not as if you'll have to stand by and watch."

"I said I'm not going." She's getting agitated herself, no matter how much she tries to hold her temper in check. "Didn't you hear me? I already declined the offer. Miss Wick has asked me to let her go in my stead, and we're currently working out –"

"Bully for you." His voice is cold, belying the look he gives her. "So I'm supposed to hang around just because _you_ decided to stay?"

She knows that this would have shut her up for good a few years ago, but that was before she learned to look at the world, and at people, through his eyes. She's nowhere as good at it as he is, but right now, she feels she's good enough at reading _him_.

"I'm not asking you to stay for me, Booth. Be angry at me, hate me, refuse to work with me any more – I promise I can take it. The only thing I can't take is standing by and watching you destroy yourself."

He turns away, as if he couldn't even bear the look of her any longer, and she feels a heavy weight settle in the pit of her stomach. Still, she reminds herself, this isn't about her – there'll be time for her own pain and grief later, but right now, he has to be her first and only concern.

"I don't expect you to stay for me." She knows she's repeating herself, but it's essential that she get through to him. "Stay for your own sake, and for the sake of the people you love – your son, your grandfather, your brother –"

He grimaces as if he'd bitten into something sour. "You almost had me until you brought up Jared."

His tone is deadpan, but when he finally faces her again, she sees a glimmer of humor in his eyes and almost laughs out loud from the sudden, overwhelming feeling of relief. "You know what I mean, Booth."

"Yeah."

Her heart leaps at the sight of his smile, and she doesn't let herself ponder the possibility that the might not get another chance to see him smiling at her. "Then you'll think about what I said?"

His smile fades as he slowly shakes his head. Her throat closes up, and the weight in the pit of her stomach is back with a vengeance – seems she isn't all that good at reading him, after all.

"No need to think about it, Bones. I already told them no."

She stares at him, her mind strangely blank; she's sure that she's heard him correctly, but somehow, she has trouble believing it. "Seriously?"

He grins, the cocky, self-assured grin she lo… _likes_ so very much. "In no uncertain terms, trust me."

She doesn't know what to think, which isn't something that's supposed to happen to Dr. Temperance Brennan, scientific genius. "But – why didn't you say so right away?"

He falls silent for a moment; at last, he gestures towards the open door to his living room. "Can we talk, Bones?" He holds out his hand, palm open, towards her, his expression a mix of apprehension and maybe a little hope. "I mean, _really_ talk?"

She feels another urge to turn on her heel and run, but she doesn't give in to it. She knows they're way past running, and if he could muster the courage to acknowledge it, then she can too. A lot has happened during the last weeks, and she's no longer sure of anything the future might hold in store, but past experiences have taught her that there's very little they can't face as long as they have each other's backs.

Perhaps there's a chance that this won't be different after all.

So she nods, and takes his hand.


End file.
